


This is Not the End (short-story collection)

by CatherineParker



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Season 5 Content!, Spoilers, Spoilers for Season 5, Unplanned Pregnancy, doctor mechanic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2018-08-23 07:14:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8318758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatherineParker/pseuds/CatherineParker
Summary: This is going to be a short-story collection (of one-shots). Those are not related (unless stated otherwise). Unfortunately they never made it into a bigger story.But it's going to be Doctor/Mechanic all the way.





	1. The Bridges We Burn

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit is made of this.

 

 

"No! I'm not going to let you do this again."

Abby has not accounted for Raven’s grip on her wrist, pulling her back around and right into Raven's personal space.

"Let me do what?" Abby whispers, trying hard to ignore how close they are standing, how easy it would be to lean in. How she could have it all.

"Walk away." Raven trembles. Abby can feel it from where their bodies are still connected. "I know you feel something too, you're just scared." The hands on Abby's arm grip her tighter. "I'm too."

"Raven." Abby sighs, pulling out of her grip. "I like you." She says it with conviction; she needs Raven to know that. But she can't take it further, can't lead her on a path that has only heartbreak as destination. Lead her to something she might not be able to give anymore. It's for the best--maybe not for her--but for Raven. She will recognize that someday, Abby hopes she does. 

_They'll come back from this._

She _needs_ them to come back from this.

"I like you a lot, but just not… _enough_." Abby wrings a hand through her hair, desperate for Raven to understand and not see right through it. "You are a beautiful young person and I'm sure someday you'll find someone who can appreciate.."

"Stop." Raven says, her voice suddenly void of emotion. "Spare me..."

"Raven please.." She is begging for Raven to listen, but she can see it in those dark brown eyes that she has just missed her window, went down the wrong path. The sudden feeling of loss is so overwhelming that she fears she might not survive this after all. Abby forces the welling tears to stay put and not to spill. For them to keep her secret.

Raven’s voice is harsh when she speaks next and it sends a shiver down Abby's spine. "But tell me one thing. Why did you kiss me, Abby? Why did you do it?"

"I.." Abby trails off, afraid of her own truth. Her fingernails bite into her palms so tightly that she loses the feeling in her fingers. The pain grounds her to the present. Reminding her to stay strong, to not break apart now. There will be plenty of time for that later. _Nothing but time._

"Let me tell you what I think," Raven steps closer and Abby fights the urge to retreat from the eyes that by now lack any of the warmth she so desperately craves.

"You thought, little Raven needed a bit of cheering up, hm? That the cripple doesn't have anyone else to lean on anymore, isn't that right?"

Abby shakes her head and a choked sob breaks free without her permission. She wonders briefly if this is how dying feels like. The tears are traitors and fall down hot over her cheeks. "No, Raven.. I would never…"

"I don't want to hear it." Raven screams so suddenly that it stuns Abby into silence. A little quieter, "I don’t want to hear any more of your lies."

Abby wants to reach out, but she knows it will not be welcomed. She wipes away her tears instead.

"You thought if you didn't do it—no one else would."

And now there are tears on Raven face too and she looks so lost and broken, that Abby’s heart clenches too tightly in her chest and she needs to bend over to relieve herself of the excruciating pain. But she doesn't. She deserves this. She knows she does.

"But you know what, Abby? I don't need--nor do I want anyone's pity." The broken look is gone from Raven’s features as she reaches up and grasps Abby's chin. Her fingers are cold against her skin, but Abby doesn't pull back, frozen in morbid fascination how Raven’s eyes look kind of dead and empty.

"Especially not _yours_."

Raven lets her go after a beat and turns away. Her voice is eerily calm. "Go." She pauses. "And don't ever come back."

Abby leaves without another word, suffocating in the silence that engulfs them, cold and vast, like the vacuum of space.

A hand wraps around her mouth and Abby tries to keep the sobs in until she is back in her quarters, alone and in pieces, not out here in the open for the entire world to see.

Her vision begins to blur around the edges, darkness painting the world in shades of gray.

Abby blinks against the dust of all the bridges she just burned and stumbles further.

Clear and inevitable like dawn is only one cruel thought.

There is no coming back from this.

 _They_ are never coming back from this.

 

 


	2. Epilogue to Immediate Attention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an epilogue to Immediate Attention that I was either to delete or post. I won't extent on it, so it's just for fun. I thought I would share, since it belonged originally to the story. (But the porn was missing, so it got cut.) Hope you enjoy nonetheless.

 

 

Those readings don't make any sense to me." Abby says, brow furrowing. She hands Jackson the medical pad and watches his face as he reads the data.

"Well," Jackson says humorously, "unless you're pregnant of course."

They both chuckle.

Jackson reaches out to grasp Abby's arm when her chuckle turns into a choking sob. "Abby?"

"That's impossible, right?" Abby's faces has lost some of its natural color. "I am too old for that."

Jackson’s eyes go wide at the unsuspected turn this conversation has taken. He didn't even know Abby had chosen a mate. Not that she had to tell him, but it came as a surprise.

"I am too old for that, right?!" Abby repeats and bites her lip hard, still waiting for an answer.

"Let me do a blood test and then we know more." He offers another squeeze to her arm in a comforting gesture.

Abby's fingers cover her mouth and the other hand comes to rest at her hip. Jackson guides her to a nearby chair.

"Here sit down."


	3. Atonement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for SEASON FIVE! (Don't read if you haven't seen it yet. Stop reading now.)
> 
> Summary in the notes:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raven finds Abby right after the bunker. (Ignoring canon that keeps our ladies apart.)

 

 

"How long are you going to keep this up?"

 

The voice cuts right through her, like a drill cuts through bone and leaves a hole, bloody and butchered. Straight through her head down to the very bottom of her soul--but all Abby hears is the murmuring of her own voice like an never ending echo.

 

 _She isn't dead,_ her mind whispers. _Hasn't been dead all along,_ her heart says.

 

She can't trust one of the voices anymore. Has learned it the hard way. Won't do the same thing over and over and expect a different result.

 

And by now it has been six lonely years. Everything is different these days she tries to hold onto reality, but it only runs and runs and runs through her fingers--like fine, golden sand that had buried them--and their pride--in a tomb to atone for their sins for eternity.

 

Two-thousand one-hundred and ninety days and nights and then just like that-- _out of nowhere_ \--Raven stands before her. Expects her to be the same after all this time; doesn't see that Abby has lost a vital part of herself somewhere along the way.

 

"I am okay." She tries to say, battered and bruised--covered in wounds and scars that lay way deeper than the canvas of her skin is able to show anymore. It has been six _very long_ years. Desperate and afraid, she tries to convince Raven--and a little also herself--that this is the truth and nothing but the truth. _I am okay._ Her heart beats faster, stutters, tears at the edges. "I am good, Raven."

 

"The hell you are! " Raven yells, loud and angry, and Abby flinches beside her, putting her face into her hands before she realizes her dooming mistake and slides them through hair instead. Raven is right. Abby has to admit that to herself at least. She hasn't been okay nor good since six years ago. But Raven needn't to know that. Needn't to be burdened with her flaws. She always had this uncanny ability to sense when something was wrong, but Abby can't let her back in. Today is not the time to revisit that past. _Not now or ever._

 

"Addiction isn't the way to go, Abby." Raven says, and it's quiet and without judgment she has seen in the eyes of others, but Abby still flinches and shame burns hot on her cheeks. Raven expected better, she can hear the note of disappointment in her voice _\--but maybe it's just her own?_ She can't tell anymore. It's been only hers for a while now and the others whispering around her blend together as one. But the sound of Raven as she says Abby's name breaks her, releasing a scorching shiver down her spine to the tip of her toes. Her heart clenches and bursts, hot and painful, and she tries to hold onto the pieces as it shatters, to put back together at a later time, when Raven has stopped playing this morbid little game.

 

"I don't see how this is any of your business anymore." The second the words fall from her lips, she regrets it and the familiar darkness chasing her day and night once again lurks at the corners. Raven is not to blame for all that happened--to her or any of the others. She _can't know_ how it's been. Can't know how her very being was torn asunder as the bunker was sealed above and Clarke nor Raven could be found inside. But it all doesn't matter now--it's in the past--even when the shadowy memories still haunt her, forming a rope round her neck like the day in Polis.

 

Raven hands curl into fists at her sides and Abby watches on as fingers clench and unclench again. "I still care about you." Raven whispers and it sends her heart soaring in her chest. She can't do this again.. _It's too much. It just hurts too much._ "A lot. You must know I do."

 

 _Push her away,_ her mind whispers. _Pull her close,_ her heart says.

 

"I'm with Marcus, now..." Her eyes are wet with unshed tears, eyes fixed on the ground as if it could tell her how to begin a new life now that she has nothing left to built on. "... and I'm happy." Raven jerks back a step, unsteady as if she'd just been slapped--and then another.

 

"Abby." It's supposed to be calm, but Abby can hear the storm raging beneath it, just barely hidden from everyone to see, barely kept beneath the surface. It feels like drowning.

 

"How about you just leave me alone." She says to calm the waves that slop over, choking down a sob, that can't be allowed to slip free into the thickening silence.

 

"I left you alone for six years." Raven says, fractured and lost, her eyes shine bright with sorrow. "Isn't that enough?"

 

Abby wants to reach out and her fingers tingle--to pull her in, close and closer still--mend the shattered parts of her soul with something akin to love and resurrect, to become whole again. But deep down, she knows, it won't be so simple. She will just pull Raven down with her into the abyss, where it's dark and crammed with shattered dreams.

 

She can't wreck what she loves most. Destroy everything Raven is--everything she could be. It would be her undoing.

 

"Not even to some extend." She manages and turns, hiding the tears that fall hot over her cheeks. It's over. She doesn't know why she is even surprised that it still hurts so much; she had lost hope for a long while now. "Please," she begs, "please go and don't look back."

 

When Raven finally leaves with a resigned look in hazel eyes the walls around her crumble. The safety net she'd spun dissipates.

 

And left, in the bright shining sun, is only glaring devastation.

 

But it's nothing a pill won't cure, her mind whispers. Her heart, keeps still.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any Feedback is -as always- very much appreciated!


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